Everyone desires a loving, supportive circle of Christian friends, and for good reason! Having solid friendships rooted in the Christian faith will bless your life. While some people may not be readily open to making meaningful connections, it’s a rewarding journey worth pursuing. Thinking about this concept prompted me to write a blog post on how to make Christian friends. You can encourage one another, share Christian insights, and worship together.
The other day, I heard the popular talk show host Tamron Hall mention on her show that it’s harder for some older women to make friends later in life.
It was on this episode:
This might be true.
Why do you think that is?
Could we be closed to the idea of having new relationships as we get older?
Ugh. That may mean we are closed-minded, which is not good.
Have we been burned so much that we are not open to new relationships with people we don’t know? If so, we have trust issues, which is also not good.
In my humble Christian blogger opinion, with a little effort and an open heart, you can create lasting bonds that not only uplift you but also inspire those around you.
I believe this is possible at any age!
So, as you read on, I want you to open your mind to the idea of embracing the journey of cultivating precious new relationships!
How to Make Christian Friends – Table of Contents
Celebrating Women’s Friendships
There is nothing like a strong circle of Christian friends.
Additionally, I found an article entitled “Women’s Friendships: A Basis for Individual-Level Resources and Their Connection to Power and Optimism.”
I liked the following quote in the article: “Friendships among women can provide critical social resources and promote overall wellness, feelings of self-worth, and empowerment.” (Guerrero et al., 2022)
And they provide support and encouragement while also creating a fun space for growing spiritually and holding each other accountable.
Frankly, I know for sure I could not get through the day-to-day grinds of life without my Christian girlfriends. They have known me so long that we have developed a rhythm. I love it!
With your girlfriends, you can do so many things together as a group or hang out individually!
I haven’t bought my larger group of girlfriends together in years. It might be time to do that.
The Workplace as a Networking Hub
Ironically, I met almost all my Christian girlfriends in one workplace or another.
I know people say you cannot or should not make friends at work.
I disagree.
If you work full-time outside the home, then work is where you spend the lion’s share of your time. You’re there more than you’re at home or church! Girl, we all virtually live at work!
Of course, you can build friendships there!
Recognize, however, it takes time to build trust with coworkers. I recognize that you watch them closely. Observe their lives to see who they are as women.
If they gossip about other people, they will gossip about you.
Noticing they are chronically negative means they will likely drag you down over time.
Judgmental behavior is also a red flag for a friend candidate.
Eyeing bullying behavior on her part? Good warning.
This means she is not a great potential friend for your inner circle.
On the other hand, if she proves to be a woman of integrity, and you’ve prayed about it, of course, you can open your life to friendship with her!
Take your time. Don’t share too much initially or too soon, and build the friendship over time.
People need to earn a front-row seat to their lives.
Slow your roll.
Ways to Connect with New Christian Friends
Aside from your job, you can make friends at church, too.
Getting involved in ministries and activities will make it much easier to make Christian friends than sitting in the pew and darting out every Sunday.
Joining a choir, helping organize ministry events, or simply being part of a fellowship group are just a few ideas on how to make Christian friends.
Embedded in these activities is a sense of belonging. We all need to feel like we belong somewhere, and the church is the perfect place!
Actual Tips: How to Make Christian Friends
As I said earlier, building friendships takes time. This is true if you make friends at church or elsewhere.
Again, don’t be in a rush.
This makes you come across as creepy or desperate.
People who try too hard make me itch.
It raises a red flag in my mind and makes me wonder if they are sincere or want to rob me or something. Joking!
Trust is Essential
Over the years, I’ve heard some women complain about not having friendships, but at the same time, they are not open to new people.
They assume people want to get into their “business.”
Honey, most of them don’t have any “business” anyway.
The bottom line is if you want friends, you have to be friendly, Christian Sister!
Navigating the Risks of Trusting New Friendships
Making new friends feels risky. But the benefits really outweigh the risks.
Ask yourself: “what is the worst someone can do to me?”
It is not as though you will invite them over or put yourself in any genuine danger.
I think the worst thing people can do is talk about you to someone else.
Whateverrrr.
In the end, who cares about that?
If they do say bad things or reveal your personal information, forgive them, put some distance between you and them, and keep it moving.
Do not – under any circumstances let the bad people keep you from meeting the fabulous new people out there.
More Ways to Make New Friends
In addition to being open to new relationships and getting involved in church activities, consider making the first move with a potential friend candidate.
Reach out and invite her for coffee or a daytime meal to get connected.
Be open to several get-togethers, even if the first one is a dud.
Sometimes, it can take a while to connect.
This is going to sound weird, but let me give you an example from the music world. Motown, to be exact!
One of my favorite stories is about the singing group The Temptations.
It appears that after their supposed big break with Motown, they recorded a bunch of songs, but none of them were hits.
However, Motown’s founder, Berry Gordy, kept them on the label anyway. He was patient.
As you well know, they went on to have tons of hits!
Think like Berry Gordy when making new friends.
You may not have a spark with your new friend at first. Give it a few chances and some time to see what happens.
If the initial encounters don’t pop, be open to getting together a few times.
Why is it so hard to find Christian friends?
Women are strange beings. God made us … well, different.
I think it’s because other women have burned some women and this makes us very careful.
Others can be given to jealousy and pettiness.
They can be insecure about you or other women. I’ve even met women who got mad if I spent too much time with another friend.
Don’t judge too harshly because past trauma can make us act truly childish.
Add to that carrying past wounds, feeling inadequate, and other things, and you know why ladies often don’t make new friends.
If you want to know how to make Christian friends, I’ll tell you. You have to take the good with the bad.
Lastly, it can be hard to find Christian friends because some Christians are fake.
You’re reading this because you either want to know how to make Christian friends or you’re curious about what I think about the topic.
Since you are here, I will not sugarcoat it.
Accept the fact that some Christian women are fakes and phonies. Yes, I said it, and no further comment is needed.
Busyness can also make friendships difficult
Making friends can be a challenge when you have lots on your plate.
My advice is maybe try to prioritize friendship.
All those things requiring your attention now will disappear. On the other hand, a good friendship lasts forever. Invest in it.
Schedule time to text or call your friend regularly.
I literally do that.
I get so easily distracted with life that I don’t want to risk losing touch.
One of my girlfriends has done the same thing, I think.
If too much time has gone by, she texts me maybe a day before I schedule to text her!
How to make friends when your church is full of cliques
Navigating a church filled with cliques can be challenging and disheartening.
Nevertheless, you can still build meaningful connections.
We all know no church should have those little closed-off groups. Still, they do.
Churches are breeding grounds for cliques that thrive in the shadows, fostering exclusivity while they claim to be the heart of community and acceptance. It’s wrong. We all know it.
Jump into the clique!
I think the way to dissolve them is to infiltrate them. Then, over time, you have one big old group.
Go ahead and engage in conversation with individuals outside your comfort zone.
Be sure to ask open-ended questions to show genuine interest in their lives.
Examples of open-ended questions to ask new friends are questions that invite deeper conversation and encourage sharing, such as:
“What made you join the First Baptist of Friendly People?”
“What are some of your favorite hobbies, and how did you get into them?”
“Can you tell me about a memorable experience you’ve had at the church?”
I believe these types of inquiries are low-risk. Plus, they allow for a rich exchange of ideas and experiences, fostering connection and understanding between friends.
Want more?
Ask questions like, “What inspires you the most in life?” or “If you could change one thing about the world, what would it be?” This can lead to insightful discussions that help build connections.
People love talking about themselves!
“We all know no church should have cliques. But they do.”
GodsyGirl Terri
One piece of advice. Ease the questions into the conversation so you don’t sound like a detective.
If you hear yourself sounding “staged,” just go with the flow. Relax and let things unfold naturally.
Remember, be patient and be comfortable with silences and pauses.
Here is how you deal with cliques in the church
Listen. I have no sermon for you.
Again, we all know cliques are bad – especially at church.
I must say I’m tired of Christians pretending things (like cliques) don’t exist rather than facing our issues head-on.
In the spirit of acknowledging our issues, I will share how I’ve dealt with cliques in the past.
I have not always been a senior pastor’s wife.
Yes, cliques have thwarted my church fellowship just like everyone else.
Cliques are the enemy’s tool. If you are in a ministry, group, or clique, make sure you open your doors to everyone, okay?
Now, here are my tips on how to make Christian friends and how to deal with cliques in the church family.
Start by attending church events, such as regular services or small group meetings. Be consistent and try to sit in the same spot.
People will get used to seeing you there, which I think will encourage them to open up to you.
Cliques, in my opinion, are like puppies. You let them approach you.
Bow wow.
Additionally, volunteering with the clique people will help you build rapport.
This is how you create natural bonds.
There is no way around it; participating actively in church functions and showing up screams you are part of the church family.
Again, by being available, friendly, and persistent, you will gradually create friendships.
A Quick Recap
Thanks for reading.
Let me sum up my thoughts on how to make Christian friends, here you go:
Support and encouragement can enrich relationships, especially among women. The only catch is that they require trust and openness.
Making Christian friends involves a thoughtful approach that emphasizes being authentic. This means not being fake but trying to build genuine connections over time.
This will naturally happen through shared experiences, such as church activities and volunteering in ministries.
Being patient. Be approachable and talk to people.
Prioritizing these new friendships despite life’s busyness will lead to lasting bonds and a sense of belonging we all crave.
Don’t forget – once you make them, you need to keep them. Pray for them often. They need you in hard times. They need to know you are there. They need to hear from you.
That is how you develop Godly friendships, in my humble opinion.
What are your tips on how to make Christian friends?
Have you ever had to deal with cliques in a church?
Source:
Guerrero, M., Longan, C., Cummings, C., Kassanits, J., Reilly, A., Stevens, E., & Jason, L. A. (2022). Women’s friendships: A basis for individual-level resources and their connection to power and optimism. The Humanistic Psychologist, 50(3), 360–375. https://doi.org/10.1037/hum0000295
Other Friendship Thoughts:
Everything else on my mind…Lately, that is
