Hi, my sweet Christian Sister! Let’s get super real for a moment. I mean “real” real. As mere human beings, we’re masters at one thing: failing spectacularly. Seriously, we trip and fall way more than we care to admit; it’s just in our nature! Reflecting on this very concept today, I felt compelled to create a powerful prayer to cut ties with someone who’s wronged you or a prayer to let go of someone who hurt you.
Face it. Sometimes, it’s vital to draw a line and distance yourself from those who are emotionally and spiritually toxic.
I have a perfect analogy for you to consider.
When someone is sick with a cold or flu, you wisely stay away from them to protect yourself. You don’t stay away forever—just for a little while.
You must do the same for some people who are so broken and wounded that they can’t help but cause trouble and hurt others, in my opinion.
Part of loving yourself is caring for yourself.
We have to love ourselves.
Mark 12:30-31
30 Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ 31 The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these.”
Separation could be an expression of love.
Boundaries and barriers are among the greatest life lessons you can teach someone.
They learn how to treat others through these lessons.
For instance, I remember when my son was a baby. I can’t remember how old he was for my life, but he was a little “peanut.”
During a play date, he did what many children do; he hit another child.
That child (a little girl) hauled off and socked him back. My boy looked shocked, and his binky almost fell out!
Honey, he never did that again. He learned.
I’ll bet it taught him, “If I hit people, it is not a good thing, and they might hit me back.”
haha
That’s a good life lesson.
Similarly, when you put distance between yourself and a terribly toxic person, you could be teaching a valuable life lesson – as long as you’re not doing so in anger.
No Revenge Allow, Christian Woman
To be clear, I am not advocating for what I call “hateful withdrawal.” That’s something entirely different.
I can relate to that, though; I’ve been there myself at different points in my life.
When I was young and still figuring out my Christian walk, I had the spiritual depth of a kiddie pool.
I’d drop you like a hot potato.
Withdrawing from a person because you’re angry is not a good Christian practice, as it goes against the teachings of Jesus.
I’ve been guilty of this – and not so long ago.
I was angry because some in my family didn’t support my mother the way I thought they should. They didn’t visit her and it hurt me so badly. It burned me how they posted love after she died.
They disregarded her. The exception was my cousin and her son.
I had to forgive the others and let that mess go.
Here is the kicker: I’VE BEEN GUILTY OF THE SAME.
Allow me to digress. In my younger life, I didn’t visit the way I should – especially my dad’s family.
Who am I to judge?
As for my mom, I’m sure my family meant no harm to her.
Whether they did or not, forgiveness and love are central to our Christian faith. I had no right to hold it.
Also, I could have reached out and said something. But, I didn’t. So how did they know how I felt?
Read my other posts on forgiveness.
Back to my topic…
Instead of retreating in anger, we should first engage in open and honest communication with the person.
All the while seeking to resolve conflicts through understanding and compassion.
We have to do this over and over and over.
Again, this blog post is not about shutting people out angrily.
No, we are to build bridges rather than walls.
Nothing is more precious than reconciliation.
BUT, again, some distance may have to occur before you reach the jewel of fellowship.
Remember, no one is perfect.
Before I get to my prayer to let go of someone who hurt you, let’s talk through this thing a bit.
First, never forget that we are ALL human beings. This means we all mess up.
Remember this fact if you are looking for a prayer to let go of someone who hurt you.
You know that we – even as Christians – can be pretty rank sometimes?
Yet, God loves us and never withdraws His grace or His forgiveness.
Think about that.
Please forgive them before you add some distance.
Another one of the MANY times I had to forgive…
Years ago, someone murdered my friend in a very unjust way. It broke my young heart into a million pieces.
I carried the heavy weight of that crime for so many years.
At some point, probably in my 30s (and here I am, in my 50s), it struck me just how revolting my own hands must appear to the Lord—dirty, grimy, a true reflection of my own sin.
Just l like you, I fouled up at every turn.
While I didn’t murder anyone, my sins are just yucky in God’s eyes.
It became clear to me that I’ve failed the Lord time and time again.
Since the Lord’s scales don’t see any difference between “big” sins and “little” sins, I was as putrid as the man who killed my friend.
Sin is sin.
Yet (and, oh, what a beautiful “yet”), I have been forgiven and released from the penalty of all that nasty sin.
You know what comes next.
I had to forgive the man who murdered my friend.
I had no choice, and you don’t either.
I won’t lie. It took a very, very long time.
The anger burned in my throat every time I thought about it.
But, I had to release him and it.
Praise God, I can say I am free of it now.
Do I want to have coffee with him and invite him over for dinner? Nah, but I pray he is walking in a blessed, free life. See the scripture below.
The funny thing is when memories pop into my mind, I have to forgive him again. It’s a process – one I’m committed to completing.
Check out Matthew 6:14 and 15:
“For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.
But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.“
What does forgiveness look like?
Here is what I do. Don’t laugh at me.
When someone wrongs you, imagine the offense is written on a massive whiteboard.
When you remember it, imagine yourself picking up the eraser and erasing it.
Now, be gentle with yourself through this process.
It’s hard.
You may have to repeat this over and over again, depending on how deep-seated the hurt is.
It may take weeks, months, or even years to forgive some people whole-heartedly, and that’s okay.
Before we pray the prayer and forgive,
let’s think it through a bit more.
Question #1: “What if they don’t apologize?”
A. Doesn’t matter.
Just be obedient to God’s word and keep your heart free from the bitterness that usually comes from long-term unforgiveness.
Girl, bitterness will destroy you spiritually and can hurt even physically if you hold it in long enough.
Check out June Hunt’s book on forgiveness (click the image below). You may have heard of this Christian counselor from her powerful radio show. It’s good! Click here to learn about Hope for the Heart.
Question #2: “What if they want to remain friends?”
A. Pray about it. Continued fellowship is not always possible.
Fellowship (hanging out) is not the same as forgiveness. Remember my analogy of the murderer? I don’t see us going to Starbucks every week, but I forgive him.
Fellowship may be a bit risky.
Here’s why: some “offenders” have been so wounded by others they continually perpetuate a cycle of torment and pain. It’s like they can’t help themselves.
Have you heard the saying: “hurt people tend to hurt others?”
It’s true. Abusers tend to abuse others. It’s a wicked and sad cycle.
Fellowship with a person that hurt you must be carefully considered; you must pray about it.
Allow the Holy Spirit to guide you.
Anyway, if the person can love you and healthily befriend you, then go for it.
On the other hand, if they are plagued by extreme negativity, unhealthy patterns, and disloyalty, you may have to distance yourself for a while or forever.
For the record, I think the goal in most situations (not all!) should always be reconciliation.
Warning: God may want to use you to be His light in their lives. They could be your assignment. So, pray, pray, pray for guidance.
My sample prayer to let go of someone who hurt you
Father, you taught me how to pray, and in your prayer, you said I must forgive other people who have harmed me. I have no choice.
I want to be like You, so I choose to forgive.
Lord, please help me forgive _______________ right now. He/she has caused me so much pain. They hurt my heart and wounded my spirit.
I literally feel a bruise on my heart as a result of him/her. I can’t live this way because I know it will make me angry, bitter, and untrustful.
If it is in your will, I want to diminish my time with them. They continue to allow Satan to use them, and I want to heal and set a boundary.
May I not be around them for a while? Is that okay?
Please give me the words to express my desire to distance myself from them and to communicate the reason openly.
May my words not bring them pain but help them understand the consequences of their actions.
I pray you bless them and use the separation to help them grow closer to You.
Lord, empower me by the Holy Spirit to be forgiving.
Change my heart.
Help me to see the good in them and ponder it – rather than the bad.
As I go through this forgiveness process and pray this prayer to forgive, help me remember I, too, am guilty.
I’ve made so many mistakes and received forgiveness time and time again. Help me to forgive those who make mistakes as well.
In fact, Father God, please forgive me for my sins and missteps.
So, today, I release ____________________ from their offense. I wipe their slate clean. Please heal my heart.
When I see ________________, I don’t want to feel anger or bitterness. I don’t want to harbor those things in my heart.
Help me, Holy Spirit.
Tell me, Father, if I should be “friends” with _____________ again.
I realize he/she may have patterns in his/her life that require healing. Let me know what to do, and help me want to do it.
For now, I pray for ______________. You told me to bless those who hurt me. So, I bless him/her right now in Jesus’ name.
I pray you forgive him/her for what they did to me.
I pray you bless them in every area of their life.
Bless their health, Lord. May they enjoy years of good physical health.
Bless them with good relationships so they can learn how to be a healthy part of a friendship.
Bless them financially, meet every need, and give them the desires of their hearts.
I will be obedient to your word. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
“But I tell you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who mistreat you and persecute you,” Matthew 5:44
There you go, Christian Woman.
That is my prayer to let go of someone who hurt you.
How about another prayer for someone who has hurt you?
Here is a super short prayer for someone who has hurt your badly. It’s no frills and will inspire you to continue talking to the Lord about what you’re feeling.
Try praying, “Lord, You see my heart and the pain I’m carrying. You know the hurt this person has caused and how deeply it’s affected me. I bring it all to You now. Please help me to forgive, even if my feelings haven’t caught up yet. Teach me to release bitterness and trust You to handle justice in Your perfect way. Heal my heart, Lord, and let Your peace guard my mind. Bless the one who hurt me, and draw them closer to You. In Jesus’ name, Amen.”
After you pray, perform a self-check:
For weeks after you pray the prayer to let go of someone who hurt you, I recommend you do a self-assessment of your heart.
I’ll share what I do and my indicators to keep my heart right.
Here they are:
1. You talk constantly about the pain they caused you. If you do, you haven’t forgiven them.
2. When you see them, your face still gets hot, and you feel that thing in the pit of your stomach. If it’s there, forgive again.
3. You cannot pray for them to be blessed and prosper for two straight weeks. (Try it! As you saw in the gray box above, the Bible tells us to pray for those who hurt us. If you can’t, you likely need to work on forgiveness, Girl!)
Finally, do this after you pray a prayer to let go of someone who hurt you
Do the work to stay free in the Lord. Forgiveness is better.
Keep your heart clean.
Be honest with yourself and move forward in Jesus’ name!
This is a nice video featuring some great Bible verses on forgiveness.
Keep On Praying
Continue your prayer for someone who has hurt you. It will heal both you and invite the Lord into the situation.
Such a powerfully truthful post sweetie, bless you.