I am my own worst enemy

Pray for me. I have an enemy: a HORRIBLE one. My enemy torments me incessantly, destroys my victories, and keeps me low. I’ve prayed about this enemy time and time again. I’ve struggled with her for years, but I’ve never been able to quite get victory over her. She’s absolutely relentless. She puts me down like a dogged bully on an elementary school playground; it constantly leaves me feeling dejected. Sometimes she doesn’t seem to hinder or attack me. I have seasons of respite, but then she seems to re-emerge. Lately, her attacks have been more poignant and more vitriolic. I don’t know what to do about it. The fight has been so arduous for so long, that she’s become part of my “normal” day-to-day life.  As you would plan for an upcoming vacation, I plan for her outbreaks. I know they will come.

You’ve likely figured out who my enemy is by now, but if you have not it’s …well.. me.

I love myself, but clearly, I am my own worst enemy.

How NOT to be your own worse enemy…

To be your own enemy means you sabotage your own success through actions you take and activities in which you engage.

At times it seems I am my own worst enemy.

During various life challenges and problems, I continually get in my own way. I self-sabotage.

Can you relate at all? Do you ever seem to trip yourself up too – like on a regular basis?

Let me give you a few examples of how my enemy – as brilliant as she is – gets in my way. :D

For one thing, say I make plans to eat healthier, but she messes with me.  As I type this, I’m in a heated battle to lose weight, so why did I buy some Italian cookies the other day? It was because she promised me I could eat only the serving size. Liar! She told me I couldn’t resist getting them and bringing them home. 

But, that same evening she tells me “Life is short! Eat the cotton-picking cookies, Dummy!” After I do, she THEN tells me how I’m weak and useless.  Yep. That’s a tricky attack!

My enemy knows my weak areas and attacks me in those areas by setting me up to fail and then taunting me unmercifully after I do.

My worst enemy.

Oh, wait!  I can top that example!

Almost every time to lose five or so pounds, I almost always get arrogant and begin either eating badly again (because I’ve got it under control, right?) or I may stop tracking the food I eat altogether.

You know what happens then.

Yep, I end up gaining back three of the five pounds I previously lost. About that time, my enemy calls me even more names and attacks my sense of self-worth.

The enemy is “inna ME”.

Did you know FOOD is a common tool of self-sabotage?

I’m not the only one, I know.

But, for me, the food thing has always been a struggle for me and she knows it.

Without a doubt, I’ve always had a love/hate relationship with food. Although I’ve been thin most of my life, I always used food as comfort. It has always been my “go-to” source of solace.

However, something unusual happened at the onset of the pandemic.

Girl, I just gave in to every binge, moved my body around less, and gained so much weight. I mean LOTS of weight.

In fact, I don’t recognize myself anymore in pictures. It’s really bad.

Have you ever felt that way?

My mean enemy pounces on this area every chance she gets. I’m so glad my husband still finds me extremely attractive and calls me beautiful every chance he gets.  Yes, I’m very blessed.

I try and I try and try to do better.

Each week, I try to get back on track.

The scale stays the same. I get back on track, no difference on the scale.

The culprit is my harmful cycle and it’s me giving my enemy so much power and fuel.

Good news: God cares and can help with this. I know He can.

One of the reasons I know God will help me is because He helped Israel with its enemy! Truthfully, he helped them with several enemies for that matter. So I know He can help me with mine – as wonderful as she may be in other areas of life (haha).

Seriously, in Judges 6, we see the children of Israel had done what they weren’t supposed to do. They were acting up and letting their inner enemies win too.

Make no mistake about it.  The Lord gets sick of His kids just like you and I do with ours.

So, He turned them over into the hand of Midian. (v. 1) He gave them over to their consequences.

You know, Christian Sister, if I ignore my enemy, she will produce horrible consequences in my life.  Mental problems like a low self-image or rotten physical problems like high blood pressure and more are sure to follow. I can’t let that happen.

She must be controlled and bought into submission.

I don’t want to be “turned over” to the bad consequences of my choices. Who would want that???

Sure the Lord will still love me, but the consequences are just that….CONSEQUENCES. Unavoidable bad results that I don’t want.

A defeat often follows bad consequences.

As for the Children of Israel, Midian was kicking their butts on a regular basis. They were doing it so repeatedly and so severely, that God’s people started hiding out in caves and the mountains (v. 2).

Well, since we cannot hide from ourselves, I need to get the Lord’s help with my particulate enemy.

Time and time again, I’ve tried to discipline myself but, regardless of how hard I try, I cannot seem to do this thing on my own. It’s time to stop trying.

Therefore, just like the sons of Israel, I’m crying out to the Lord to help me.

“in all your ways submit to him, and he will
make your paths straight.” Proverbs 3:6

Thank you, Jesus! He hears me when I cry out to Him and He heard them too!

When the sons of Israel cried out to the Lord for help.  He sent a prophet to speak to them. In other words, He responded.  He answered.

God worked out a solution for the children of Israel and I know He will work out a solution for me.

I simply need to trust Him to guide me and prompt me in my weakest moments.

He’s done it before.

When I was younger, the Holy Spirit helped me turn my entire life around in some significant ways.

Not long ago, I was sharing my testimony with a young woman I was mentoring for a season. As I did, I was so amazed by how God changed me and turned my life toward Him.

For one, He set me free from fornication because it was causing me to devalue my vessel and enter hollow, empty love relationships. Besides that, fornication is a sin.  

My inner “enemy” was scared to begin a celibate life.  A young, single woman often wants to be loved and eventually married. My inner enemy would accuse me and say “you’ll never get a good man with these “rules”! Any cute guy you’re dating will want to kiss you and when you say ‘not until marriage, you’ll run him off, Dummy!”

But, that didn’t happen. I got an amazing husband – with my safeguards in place! You can read about it here!

The Holy Spirit helped me! He can help you too! Have hope!

Yes, the Holy Spirit gave me the desire and the strength to be celibate for many, many years. You know what? I learned His way of doing things was so much more advantageous. In other words, it intentionally worked in my favor.

I soon learned which men were after me for the wrong reasons.  The absolute best part is I began to attract Godly men who honored me.

Remember this: obedience to God and His ways always brings a blessing! On the other hand, disobedience fuels our enemy. Then it unleashes him to wreak havoc in our lives.

The enemy (the real one or the one inside you) wants you to believe you’re losing something when you obey the Lord.  The truth is when you obey the Lord, you’re gaining so much more than you could ever sacrifice.

“She said what?”

That’s not the only way God turned my life around. I have another example!

The Holy Spirit helped me stop cursing like a sailor (that’s just a saying, I’m sure not all sailors curse :).

Still, profanity was a genuine stronghold over my life. You wouldn’t believe how awful my potty mouth was. Child, I amazed even my guy friends.

Worse, I couldn’t seem to stop.

Thank God, I did eventually stop as the Holy Spirit began to speak to my heart. I began to hear His still, small voice say things like “don’t say that” or “be quiet.”  

Before I uttered a word, I’d hear Him in my spirit.  After a while, He gave me completely different ways to express what I was feeling.

He is indeed a Deliverer.

God delivered me from “myself” those two times and in an overabundance of other ways.

I know beyond a shadow of a doubt, He can do it again here with this current struggle.

All I have to do is cry out to Him (i.e. pray), invite Him into these battles and watch Him work in me and through me.

Also, Holy Spirit’s fruit is alive in me and temperance is part of it.

Some changes must be made.

It’s one thing to pray for strength and guidance but it’s another thing to have a strategy. God is a strategic God.  Here are my strategy tools:

Accountability -Strategy tool #1

Fortunately for me, I have a beautiful daughter-in-law who is going to support me in this effort to get healthier. She eats rather healthily already and is very focused on living a healthy lifestyle. I need her!

I added her to my Apple fitness app to help me be accountable.

We will encourage one another to move and stay active. Trust me, she’s doing me more of a favor than I am doing for her. Ha!  Again, she’s already a pretty healthy person.

Guess what! Just this morning, she sent a picture of her high-protein breakfast and it inspired me to make one for myself.

Accountability -Strategy tool #2: Eating Right

Let me tell you about one of the yummiest things I ate as part of my strategy:

The other day, I ate a scramble consisting of the best egg substitute I’ve ever found at the market, Egg Beaters. It’s so good!  My inner enemy doesn’t have anything critical to say about it because it is that yummy!

Most people choose this egg substitute to keep cholesterol down.  I don’t have a problem with cholesterol right now, but I’m smart enough to know that if I continue along this course I will.

As a result, I’m cutting back on the egg yolks for now.  Again, I’m in my 50s so I want to be careful.

I got the Southwestern Flavor of Egg Beaters

This substitute for eggs is so flavorful I didn’t even need to add any cheese.

I could’ve easily added a little bit. Hey, I’m not a Philistine! While I want to lose weight, I must be able to have a little cheese now and again, right?

I am so proud of it– mainly because I often skip breakfast altogether. Not a breakfast lover. Nope.

Do you think that’s part of my problem?  Are you a breakfast person? Is it really the most important meal of the day in your opinion?

Then there is the salad for breakfast thing…

Girl, yes!

The salad gives me roughage and some volume in my tummy. I want things to flow well and I want to feel full. Green salad may seem weird for breakfast, but why not?

Along the same lines, I made the cucumber and onion salad a couple of days ago. Christian Lady, it was incredibly good today! It needs to marinate a bit.

I’ll post the recipe below. I finally have found the perfect proportions of vinegar, spices, and sweetness.  Tastes like the one my grandma used to make and I didn’t even have to use sugar!

I was feeling funky (in a good way), so I made a “wrap” of it with a low-carb Xtreme tortilla. Have you tried them?

They’re soft and luxurious and the best part is they are low carb.

I’m also doing WW (or Weight Watchers), they’re only one point.  I get 30 points in a day. If you haven’t tried these tortillas, you must. I even use them for crusts on my low-carb pizzas.  I promise you will not miss the high-carb tortillas at all.

For this breakfast, I warmed them up. Usually, I warm the tortillas in the microwave. But today I placed them directly on one of the burners of my stove. If you try this, move quickly. They’ll burn rather fast. I loved that mild charred flavor.

Did I enjoy it as much as I would some pancakes?

Heck no. 

But, I’m training my inner enemy to understand I can have the things that I like to indulge in – like pancakes – just not all the time. 

Am I on keto?

Nah, I’m going to stick to a low-carb and high-protein diet without going into full ketosis.

I did keto a few years back and I lost quite a bit of weight. 

It was marvelous!

I rarely felt deprived because I learned to cook with some creative substitutes. Monkfruit was what I used for my baked goods with almond flour. I had cakes, donuts, and all sorts of things. It worked.

The downside of keto for me…Yes, I have one.

However, I will not go into ketosis.

While I learned how to manage my fat, bake delicious food, and such, ketosis did strange things to my body and my heart. My hormones went crazy as well. As a result, I never want to go into ketosis again.

I’m a pretty meticulous person by nature. And I had enough fat and I watched my ketosis rates. Still, keto is not for me.

Accountability -Strategy tool #3: Listen NOW!

Bonus: A Recipe for you!

Now, let me give you the recipe for my no-sugar cucumber and tomato salad. 

If you’ve ever had southern cucumber and tomato salad, you know it has both a sweet and savory flavor. It’s “vinegary” and perfectly balanced with a slight, faint sweetness.

I’ve struggled to create this dish (at least the way I like it) for a while. Finally, I found the formula.

I hope you like it!

Note: In the end, what I do is my own fault. It’s my own responsibility. That’s one reason the title is “I am” and then the period. I just am a hindrance, but it is me, and I can change “me” with the help of the Lord.

My Recipe for Low-Carb
Cucumber and Tomato Salad

1 Englished Cucumber, sliced

1 small onion, thinly sliced

16 Cherry Tomatoes, slide

1 tsp Olive Oil

2-3 tbsp Apple Cider vinegar (I use the one with the “Mother”)

2 Splenda packets

1/4 tsp dried basil

1/4 cup of water

2 tbsp Skinny Me raspberry vinaigrette salad dressing

Pinch of onion powder, garlic powder, optional

Salt and Pepper to taste

In a small bowl, add everything but the cucumbers, onions, and tomatoes. Whisk or beat with a fork until well incorporated.

Taste the “dressing” mixture. Adjust seasonings as needed.

Pour over veggies and mix well. Add to a dish shallow enough for the veggies to be submerged.

Let it sit in the refrigerator for at least 3 hours. Overnight is best! Enjoy!

If you’re on a weight loss journey too or fighting an inner enemy like I am, remember these three things:

1. Spiritual growth and weight loss have one thing in common.  You don’t see instant results even though great things are bubbling beneath the process. Be patient as you develop into a better version of yourself.

2. Try to get out of your own way.  Only think positive thoughts as much as you are able. When you fall into a negative mindset, take authority over that thought in Jesus’ name.  Cast it down and replace it with a faith-filled thought or scripture.

3) You are infinitely more powerful than any enemy.  The same Spirit that raised Christ from the dead lives in you.  He inhabits you.  Listen to Him more than any enemy – whether it is interior or exterior.

I love you! Thanks for reading my Christian lifestyle blog!

See my progress so far! The right is early June. Can ya see it?