Why Should I Wait to Have Sex? Real Talk

This question has echoed through generations—and it’s still being asked today. I get it. Whenever I post about God’s standard of waiting for marriage, I know what’s coming—eye rolls, social media backlash, and emails telling me I’m out of touch. But I’m not here to win popularity contests. The thing is, I was a young, single Christian woman once, and I wondered, “Why should I wait to have sex?”

I’m here to tell the truth.

Here it is, plain and simple: Sex is meant for marriage.

Point. Blank. Period.

You might be tempted to dismiss this post, click away, or unsubscribe from my Christian woman’s blog. That’s OK. I’ll still sleep just fine tonight.

But for those sincerely asking, “Why should I wait to have sex?”—let me give you an honest answer. Actually, not just mine, but God’s.

Why This Topic Matters More Than Ever

Let’s be real. Christian purity is not a hot topic in churches. It’s uncomfortable. It’s counter-cultural. And, frankly, it’s hard. But does that mean we should avoid it?

Absolutely not.

In fact, because so many people—including church leaders—struggle with it, we should be talking about it more, not less.

Avoiding the subject only convinces young believers that no one is actually living this out. It creates confusion and shame. But I’m living proof that abstinence is possible, with God’s help and a little common sense.

My Personal Journey: From Brokenness to Boundaries

Let me be vulnerable for a moment.

I didn’t grow up dreaming of being a single mom. But after my first marriage ended at just 3 years, I found myself divorced, broke, uneducated, and raising a newborn son.

I was young, attractive, and clueless.

Worse yet, I had already compromised sexually before that marriage. So when it ended, I was emotionally fragile and spiritually unsure. That’s when the real battle began.

Yes, I was a Christian, but I wasn’t spiritually grounded. I wanted to please God, but I also wanted to reclaim all the experiences I felt I had missed growing up in my strict C.O.G.I.C. household.

So I did what many do: I sought validation in the wrong places. Nightclubs, flashy dates with successful men, and emotional entanglements disguised as love.

And yes, I gave myself sexually to men I was in long-term relationships with.

Sex Without Commitment: The Silent Erosion

Here’s what no one tells you about premarital sex: every time you give yourself to someone, you lose a piece of something sacred.

Even when you’re convinced it’s love. Even when you’ve convinced yourself, “we’ll probably get married.”

Sex outside of marriage slowly chips away at your innocence, your self-worth, and your spiritual peace.

Trust me, I know from experience.

In fact, I lived it, and I can attest to the unsettling feeling that accompanies each fleeting encounter.

I’m aware of the way it leaves an emptiness that’s hard to ignore.

The excitement may distract you initially, but over time, it becomes a heavy burden, weighing down your spirit and causing you to question your values and beliefs.

I felt I was missing something in life being a Christian, so I stopped pondering the question, “Why should I wait to have sex?”

Each choice, while seemingly liberating at the moment, gradually erodes the sense of purity and wholeness you once felt.

Movies lie. TV lies.

Compromising before the message leaves an impact on Christian relationships.

Even if you marry, you may wonder, “How far will he go or she go in other areas? Will he push the envelope?

Trust in relationships dims, and what should be sacred becomes just another momentary thrill. This journey isn’t merely physical; it intertwines with your emotional and spiritual realms, leaving you longing for something more meaningful and profound.

Eventually, I realized that what I thought was love was just lust—on both sides.

Some men will sleep with you like they would with a can of soup. Doesn’t mean they love it or plan to marry it.

Let that sink in. Get mad at me if you must, but think about it.

The Turning Point: Choosing Purity on Purpose

After enough heartache and brokenness, I finally got serious about walking with God—and that meant getting serious about purity.

I decided: no more sex before marriage. Period.

Not because I was scared. Not because I couldn’t get a man. But because I was tired of being used, tired of being spiritually off-track, and tired of settling for less than God’s best.

I wanted to be a role model for my son. I wanted to show him that Biblical integrity was possible—and powerful.

And yes, my friends thought I was crazy.

“You’ll be alone forever!”
“That’s why you’re always cranky!”
They joked, but I didn’t care. I knew I was finally walking in truth.

After a while, I was wondering, Why should I wait to have sex?

Then… I Met a Godly Man…

Years into my purity journey, I met a wonderful Christian man. We dated. He loved God and respected me. He even told me he had committed to not even kiss a woman until his wedding day.

Let that settle: no sex, no physical compromise, not even kissing.

He told me about a couple who had waited for their first kiss until their wedding. That story floored me—in the best way. I suddenly wanted that too. I craved something sacred, not sensual. Something pure, not performative.

And although that man didn’t become my husband, I will always thank God for him.

He showed me that Christian men do exist—the kind who build you up spiritually rather than wear you down physically.

(And yes, the man I did marry—my husband John—and I shared our very first kiss on our wedding day. I wouldn’t trade that for anything.)

Thinking why should I wait to have sex? Here is the answer:

Sex Is Not Just Physical—It’s Spiritual

Let’s pause here. Sex is not just about bodies—it’s about bonding, commitment, and spiritual unity.

Giving someone your body without a covenant is like giving them the keys to your house when they never signed a lease. It’s reckless and dangerous.

The world says, “It’s just sex.” But God says otherwise.
Marriage is a covenant, not a casual convenience.

Think about this:
Would you buy a house with no contract?
Would you sign up for insurance with no paperwork?
Would you loan someone your car on a verbal promise?

Then why give your body—your most intimate gift—to someone on just “good intentions”?

Forget their intentions. It’s about you. You’re self-worth. Your confidence and knowing you’re beautiful in God’s eyes. You have Godly beauty. Not tossing around the question, “Why should I wait to have sex?” but knowing you are going to wait because you’re worth it.

“But I Have Urges…”

Of course you do. So do I.

But urges are not commands. You control them; they don’t control you.

We have urges to overeat, to lash out in anger, to overspend—but maturity means learning how to master them.

Sexual desire is natural. God created it. But like any good gift, it’s meant to operate within boundaries. Marriage is that boundary.

God isn’t trying to punish you. He’s trying to protect you—from heartbreak, disease, trauma, and regret.

What If I’ve Already Messed Up?

This is important: God restores.

If you’ve already crossed the line, you are not ruined. You are not disqualified. But you can start over.

Confess. Repent. Change your path.

You don’t need to live under condemnation. Shame is from the enemy. Conviction is from God—and it always leads to hope and healing.

His grace is big enough to cover every mistake.

Waiting Is Worth It

Today, I’m married to a man who was absolutely worth the wait.
My son is in his twenties, pursuing a Master’s degree, child-free, and living with integrity.

I always told him, “Live with honor. Don’t bring shame to our family.” But deeper than that—I taught him not to bring shame to the Kingdom of God.

We are representatives of Christ. The world is watching. Let’s show them what real faith and real obedience look like.

One last time: Why Should I Wait?

Because it honors God.
Because it protects your soul.
Because it keeps your mind clear and your heart whole.
Because it sets a foundation for a relationship built on commitment—not convenience.

The wait isn’t punishment. It’s preparation.

And if you’re walking that path today, keep going.

You’re not alone, and you’re not foolish. You’re faithful.

If you’re starting over, start with joy. God isn’t mad at you—He’s waiting for you.

Now you know the answer to the age-old question, “Why should I wait to have sex?”

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The world is loud about compromise. Let’s be louder about God’s truth!

Check out this post on The One University website:
https://theoneuniversity.com/get-a-date/4-benefits-of-abstaining-until-marriage/