The whole idea of forgiving one another as Christ forgave you has been minimized by Christian fakery. We have all heard it—spoken softly across a counseling desk or urged from a pulpit:
“You just need to forgive and let it go.”
I actually kind of have a disdain for that sentence. It’s the epitome of toxic positivity, which often tends to dismiss genuine feelings and struggles in favor of a more superficial, overly optimistic perspective.
It’s fake and surface.
I think phrases like “You just need to forgive and let go” minimize real emotions and experiences.
It suggests that one should always maintain a bright outlook regardless of the circumstances.
While optimism is important, not acknowledging people’s feelings can be incredibly harmful.
Embracing and acknowledging our challenges is essential for personal growth and understanding. I think by insisting on relentless positivity, we risk invalidating our authentic selves and the complexity of human emotions.
What is forgiving one another as Christ forgave you?
It’s drawing primarily from Colossians 3:13 (and Ephesians 4:32) is not just an interpersonal psychological strategy or a polite social convention. It is a profound, paradigm-shifting participation in the very life, character, and rescue mission of God.
He forgave us and then gave us the ultimate gift. He did so when we were a hot mess and ungodly, and that’s when Christ died for us.
Forgive…Is Not All There is To It
When your world has been shattered, those words feel heavy.
They can even, I think, feel offensive and trivialize deep, jagged pain.
Whether navigating the gradual unraveling of a marriage or absorbing a sudden betrayal that breaks your heart in two, true forgiveness rarely happens overnight.
You can’t just “Forgive and let it go.”
It isn’t a switch you flip; it’s a slow, daily discipline.
Over time, walking this path gives you a profound respect for anyone who has chosen the hard work of forgiving forward after a major infraction.
I think it is time Christians move beyond generic platitudes.
We must look at what forgiveness actually costs us physically, mentally, and spiritually.
Not only that! We have to dig deep and see what Scripture truly means when it calls us to practice “forgiving one another as Christ forgave you.”
Do you know what I mean?
Keep reading, and let’s see.
The Anatomy of Hurt: What Bitterness Does to the Body
When someone hurts us deeply, our reaction isn’t just spiritual or emotional. Did you know it is deeply biological?
The Brain’s Threat Loop
When betrayed, the amygdala – the brain’s alarm system – fires intensely, interpreting emotional betrayal as a physical threat.
The amygdala is an almond-sized structure deep inside the brain that acts as your threat detector. Its job is to keep you safe by triggering the “fight, flight, or freeze” response.
When you are hurt or betrayed: The amygdala perceives emotional pain as a direct threat to your survival! Like a Lion is coming to eat you or something!!!
Hyper-reactivity: When you replay a painful memory or hold onto bitterness, the amygdala stays in overdrive (“hyper-reactive”).
It continuously releases stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline, keeping your heart rate up, muscle tension high, and your body on high alert—even years after the event happened.
I think cortisole is the hormone that blocks weight loss! Could unforgiveness keep us fat?
Hmmm…
Anyway, re-ruminating (i.e., replaying) on the offense keeps that threat loop active. It can continuously flood your system with stress hormones.
The prefrontal cortex is located right behind your forehead. It handles logical thinking, decision-making, emotional regulation, impulse control, and empathy. This isn’t even fully developed until the early twenties.
When you choose to forgive: Forgiveness isn’t an involuntary emotional reaction; it is a conscious choice. Making that intentional decision forces the prefrontal cortex to turn on and take charge.
During my grief season, I learned how my emotional state could impact my physical state. For instance, being hurt so badly that I grew nauseous. Or my shoulders held intense tightness as I sat and waited for the body of my loved one(s) to be picked up. There is a correlation.
I’m not talking about grief here. I am talking about forgiveness and its impacts.
Years ago, I was talking about something negative. My cousin Eileen said, “Oh no! Don’t replay that movie in your head.” Haha
Replaying the “movie” is what makes us bitter, and I think it works against forgiveness.
We must forgive and not only because it is good for us spiritually. Also, becuase it is good for us mentally.
Neuroscience shows that choosing to forgive activates the prefrontal cortex and dampens the amygdala’s hyper-reactivity (Ricciardi et al., 2013).
The Physical Toll of Bitterness
This will blow your mind!
Holding onto bitterness keeps the nervous system in a chronic fight-or-flight state.
Research from institutions like Johns Hopkins Medicine and the Mayo Clinic shows that chronic unforgiveness leads to:
- Elevated cortisol levels
- Higher blood pressure
- Increased risk of cardiovascular disease
- Weakened immune function
- Higher rates of depression and anxiety
When we refuse to forgive, we aren’t hurting the offender.
You know the saying: we are drinking poison and expecting them to suffer.
How Forgiveness Rewires Us
God is so infinitely wise.
See, choosing to practice forgiving forward activates the prefrontal cortex (responsible for executive control and empathy) and dampens the amygdala’s hyper-reactivity.
Over time, this neuroplasticity forms new neural pathways—literally releasing the physical grip of stress on your body.
How wild is that?
The Theology of Debt: Forgiving One Another as Christ Forgave You
In biblical terms, forgiveness is not pretending the sin never happened, nor is it instant reconciliation or the removal of healthy boundaries.
In the original Greek of the New Testament, the primary word for forgive is aphiÄ“mi, which means “to send away,” “to cancel,” or “to release a debt.”
I like the term “send away.” Don’t you?
You could say that when someone breaks your trust, they owe you a moral debt.
Human nature demands payment – retaliation, bad-mouthing them, or ensuring they suffer. That’s not what God wants us to do.
He wants you and me to forgive.
Biblical forgiveness means looking at that real, legitimate debt and choosing to release it under the shadow of the Cross.
You absorb the cost yourself rather than collecting it from the offender.
“Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”
— Ephesians 4:32
(ESV)
That is what Christ did for us, didn’t He? Think about that for a moment.
What Does “Forgive and Forget” Spiritually Mean?
Physically, short of neurological injury, you cannot erase a painful memory.
The neural circuits storing that experience remain intact.
So what does it mean when Scripture says God “remembers our sins no more” (Hebrews 8:12)?
In Hebrew thought, “remembering” is an action word meaning to bring to mind in order to act upon.
When God remembers sin no more, He chooses never again to count that debt against us.
He chooses not to act on it! Jesus acted on it! Praise God!
The Spiritual Discipline of Forgiving Forward
Spiritually, “forgetting” means negating the power of the memory. It doesn’t mean literally “forgetting.”
Here is what I think it looks like: it looks like “x’ing” out the offense.
See, when a painful memory resurfaces, it doesn’t mean your forgiveness failed.
Don’t give up on the process.
Treat the memory as a prompt for active grace:
- Acknowledge it immediately. Avoid the temptation to rehearse the injury. Just acknowledge the memory.
- Cover it in the cross. Tell yourself: “This hurt was real, but that debt was cancelled at the Cross. I choose to practice forgiving forward and will not hold this against them today.”
- Release the bell rope. Corrie ten Boom used the metaphor of a church bell tower: when you stop pulling the rope, the heavy bell keeps ringing for a while from momentum (ding… dong… ding…). But if you refuse to keep pulling the rope of bitterness, the clapper eventually settles into silence.
I think we must learn to stop pulling the rope.
Extreme Grace: Corrie ten Boom
Having survived the atrocities of the Nazi concentration camp at RavensbrĂĽck—where she lost her sister Betsie – Corrie ten Boom spent postwar years preaching God’s message of reconciliation.
In 1947, after speaking at a church in Munich, she saw a man walking up the aisle. It was one of the cruelest SS guards from RavensbrĂĽck.
He came up beaming, holding out his hand: “To think that, as you say, He has washed my sins away!”
Corrie stood frozen. Coldness clutched her heart as memories came flooding back.
“Jesus, help me!” she prayed silently. “I can lift my hand. I can do that much. You supply the feeling.”
By a sheer act of the will, she reached out and took his hand.
“And as I did, an incredible thing took place. The current started in my shoulder, raced down my arm, sprang into our joined hands… ‘I forgive you, brother!’ I cried. ‘With all my heart!'”
Corrie’s story reminds us that forgiving one another as Christ forgave you is not a warm feeling that precedes obedience; it is an act of the will that opens the door for God’s grace.
We have to do it. I have to do it.
Forgiving Forward: Practical Steps to Living Set Free
Choosing forgiveness doesn’t make you weak; it requires supernatural strength. But remember this:
- It takes time. Forgiveness is a decision made once in principle, and reaffirmed daily in practice as you move forward.
- It frees your future. Bitter feelings keep you trapped in past traumas; forgiving forward allows you to rebuild your life with peace and purpose.
- It honors God’s design. Releasing debt hands the gavel back to God (Romans 12:19).
- It’s good for us physically and mentally. God created our bodies to operate in a certain way. For all things to work together – our minds and our bodies.
When we surrender our right to get even and embrace forgiving one another as Christ forgave you, our brains calm, our bodies heal, and our spirits are finally set free to live again.
As for me, I just might even lose a few pounds. :)
Thanks for reading and God bless you.
References & Scientific Sources
- Billingsley, J., & Losin, E. A. R. (2017). The neural systems of forgiveness: An evolutionary psychological perspective. Frontiers in Psychology, 8, Article 737. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2017.00737 Cited by: 46
- Ricciardi, E., Rota, G., Sani, L., Gentili, C., Gaglianese, A., Guazzelli, M., & Pietrini, P. (2013). How the brain heals emotional wounds: The functional neuroanatomy of forgiveness. Frontiers in Human Neuroscience, 7, Article 839. https://doi.org/10.3389/fnhum.2013.00839 Cited by: 142
- Schuttenberg, E. M., Sneider, J. T., Rosmarin, D. H., Cohen-Gilbert, J. E., Oot, E. N., Seraikas, A. M., Stein, E. R., Maksimovskiy, A. L., Harris, S. K., & Silveri, M. M. (2022). Forgiveness mediates the relationship between middle frontal gyrus volume and clinical symptoms in adolescents. Frontiers in Human Neuroscience, 16, Article 782893. https://doi.org/10.3389/fnhum.2022.782893 Cited by: 12
Thank you. God bless you.
Beautifully said!