When someone Christian hurts you


In our fast-paced world, it’s unsettling how church hurt has become an all-too-real phenomenon, impacting countless individuals. Picture this: a person seeking solace, guidance, and companionship in their religious community, only to be met with emotional or psychological anguish. How can a place designed for love, support, and spiritual growth sometimes become a source of pain? Well, the answer lies in the simple fact that churches and relationships with Christians are made up of imperfect human beings, prone to making mistakes just like everyone else. Remember that when someone Christian hurts you.

Church hurt can come in different ways, like when people try to manipulate or abuse their power, act hypocritical, exclude others, or judge everyone. These experiences can really mess with your faith and overall well-being. It’s like being stabbed in the back, you know? It can make you feel betrayed, make you question everything, and even make you want to steer clear of organized religion completely. It’s a tough pill to swallow, but it happens.

Why do they – Christians – have to hurt us?

I’ve already stated Christians often hurt us because they are, well, human. As you know, sometimes, people hurt us intentionally and others unintentionally.

While there isn’t a single answer that can explain all cases, here are some common reasons I believe can contribute to why people hurt others:

  1. Fear and Insecurity: Sometimes, individuals who feel threatened or insecure may resort to hurting others as a defense mechanism. They may believe that they can establish a sense of power or control by inflicting pain or harm on someone else.

  2. Lack of Empathy: Some people struggle to understand or share the feelings of others. Without the ability to empathize, they may be more inclined to disregard the well-being of others and engage in hurtful behavior.

  3. Unresolved Trauma: Individuals who have experienced trauma in their past may unintentionally or intentionally hurt others as a result of their unresolved pain. The emotional wounds they carry can manifest in destructive ways within their relationships.

  4. Environmental Influences: The environments in which people grow up can significantly impact their beliefs, attitudes, and behavior. If someone is exposed to violence, aggression, or abusive behavior during their formative years, they may be more likely to repeat these patterns later in life.

  5. Power and Control: In some cases, people hurt others because they seek power and control over them. This can be seen in instances of domestic abuse, bullying, or systemic oppression, where individuals exert their dominance to maintain authority.

  6. Inequality and Social Conditioning: Discrimination, prejudice, and societal norms can play a role in perpetuating harm between individuals or groups. When societies uphold harmful beliefs or systems that create inequality, it can contribute to the mistreatment of others.

It is crucial to acknowledge that these reasons should not be seen as excuses. However, understanding these underlying factors can help us develop empathy and work towards preventing such behavior.

At the end of it, I don’t think the “why” matters as much as your responses to when someone Christian hurts you.

Focus on your own response and actions.

Reflect on whether there are areas where you might have unknowingly offended, and be open to personal growth. Maintaining a Christ-like attitude is important by responding with genuine love, kindness, and forgiveness. Understand that not everyone may share the same interests or perspectives, and that’s perfectly okay.

What really matters is prioritizing your relationship with God and allowing the Word to guide your reactions.

When someone Christian hurts you…

When a Christian hurts you, I think you should seek support from trusted friends or family. One reason is there could be another perspective to your hurt. Again, it is possible you could have misunderstood something. I have had plenty of times I thought someone did something awful. However, after getting another perspective from a friend, I looked at things differently. Yes, talk to someone spiritually mature in Christ for another vantage point.

Also, getting that outside support is crucial to finding healing through self-reflection, self-care, and, if desired, exploring other sources of spirituality or faith.

Next, you should also turn to the Lord.

The Holy Spirit is with us when we go through any of life’s trials. After all, Jesus promised He would never leave us nor forsake us, and I “lean in” to that wholeheartedly.

When a Christian hurts you, I think you should also seek support from trusted friends or family. For one reason, there could be another perspective to your hurt. It is possible you could have misunderstood something. Also, getting that outside support is crucial to finding healing through self-reflection, self-care, and, if desired, exploring other sources of spirituality or faith.

You should also turn to the Lord.

The Holy Spirit is with us when we go through any of life’s trials. After all, Jesus promised He would never leave us nor forsake us, and I “lean in” to that truth wholeheartedly.

“Though my father and mother forsake me, the LORD will receive me.” 
Psalm 27:10

When another Christian doesn’t like you

Encountering a situation where a fellow Christian doesn’t like you can be tough. But remember, you’re not alone. Many of us have faced similar challenges in our faith journey.

First and foremost, approach the person with humility and an open heart. Seek to understand their perspective by engaging in a respectful conversation. Take the time to listen and empathize with their concerns. They may have a valid reason not to like you! Maybe you came off the wrong way or had a bad day.

Girl, again, misunderstandings can easily arise, so be patient and willing to address any misconceptions.

Pray about it.

Prayer can be a powerful tool in this process. Seek guidance and wisdom from God, asking for a softened heart for both yourself and the other person involved. Remember that reconciliation and forgiveness are central to our Christian faith, and extend grace as you work towards resolving any conflicts.

Ultimately, this difficult situation can be a chance for personal growth and deep thinking. Embrace the opportunity to show love and kindness, letting your actions and words reveal the transformative power of Christ in your life.

“Though my father and mother forsake me, the LORD will receive me.” 
Psalm 27:10

God has taught – and is teaching – me to fight in the Spirit.

Not to hang my head in shame or hide from my adversary.

I will not hide from them. I will look them in the eye and trust God to handle them.

That’s what you do, too – keep your head up and pray for what you need: strength, wisdom, advice, direction, patience, etc.

Keep your mouth shut and begin the work of loving and forgiving them, remembering that some of the reasons people hurt others are indicative of their own hurts and issues.

“The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds.” 2 Corinthians 10:4

“We are not okay,” but really we are.

In pop culture, there is a saying that says something like “check on your_____, we are not ok.” 

Usually, it expresses the importance of checking on your friends in a specific category because they are indeed struggling.

Normally, it’s presented as a joke and sort of funny.  Back when the pandemic was fully executed, I’d see a post that would say, “Check on your extrovert friends; we are not ok.” I’d usually chuckle. 


Christian Woman, I want you to know that as you go through this struggle with church hurt, bullies, or all-around horrible people being used by the enemy, YOU. ARE. OK.

Jesus is with you; He is holding you through every moment and will ensure you remain OK no matter what happens.

Regardless of what they plot or what they do…He will cover you and protect you.

When someone Christian hurts you...in the church

It’s so hard to be wounded at the hands of another, isn’t it?

Especially when you love them, and they return your love with a cold shoulder or treat you badly.

My advice is to release it as best as you can. It’s okay to cry. It does not make you weak.

Feel the pain, but remember God will deliver you from it and through it all.

He sees it all.

They might believe that God’s grace will protect them and allow them to behave badly, but He will ensure that they face the consequences. There is no question about it! This is why you don’t need to do the same.

All you need to do is follow His words and take each day as it comes until you feel fully better. It will happen, even if you are feeling sad right now. It’s okay to cry to your Heavenly Father. It’s a healthy part of the healing journey.

Oh yeah. You must do one more thing you absolutely must do.

You likely know what I’ll say next. You have to forgive.

*whew* that’s hard. Still, you’ve got to do it.  

See, forgiveness does not always mean renewed fellowship. Sometimes, you forgive, but you don’t re-enter into that relationship as it was – especially when the trust was broken or someone showed they have no integrity.

For instance, in the case of marital infidelity, even scripture frees you to depart (Matthew 5:31-32, 19:9). 

All this to say, you do forgive after you’ve been hurt. The “after” is how God leads you.  He may lead you to stay in the relationship with the person or to put space between you and them. I don’t care what anyone says. I don’t believe you must always remain in a relationship with them; you must remain at peace with them and be willing to help them or serve them if needed. But, when someone shows you they should not be trusted, it’s ok to do as Paul and Barnabas did and go in separate directions…peacefully.

Read about Paul and Barnabas here. the Bible says in the original language they basically threw sharp words at one another…like spears.

I really hope this helps someone. I genuinely am speaking to myself as I type each word.  Being fake has never served me well, and I will never resort to it. I won’t “be” if I can’t be real. I’ll always shoot straight on my Christian lifestyle blog and in my real life. This means when I hurt, I share in case it may help you one day.

“It is good for me that I was afflicted, that I might learn your statutes.” Psalm 119:17

This present situation, although painful, is a blessing.  It’s in these times God builds spiritual strength and helps us learn His ways. Although I may cry, I rejoice too. I rejoice because I’m being stretched. Sure, trust has been strained, but God will use that to conform me to His image, and anything that does that is worth the pain and the trouble. I do want to be like Jesus.

When someone Christian hurts you and breaks your heart.
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6 thoughts on “When someone Christian hurts you”

  1. Oh Sam, I’m so sorry that happened to you. It’s super hard in this day and age because these “screens” make it so hard to be kind and trusting. You did all the right things by putting an end to that and I pray the Lord guards you and protects you. Don’t feel condemned because everyone makes mistakes.

    Stay encouraged and thank you for sharing. You’ll help someone by being transparent. Please hang in there. God’s got you.

  2. I’m dealing with a friendship gone horribly wrong. It almost destroyed my marriage. My husband and I were away from each other for a year. I met this man on an online game my husband and I were playing he love bombed me. I told him I don’t do that and he said it was just for fun, and not real. So to my shame I excepted it for a while. I put an end to it. He spoke to me all the time about scripture and told me he was a Christian. I was excited because I believe in Jesus as Lord and savior. I had red flags come up during our friendship. So I confronted him about his behavior. He got angry said I was being unfair and judgy. I left the game because of how manipulative he was forwards me and other women he had spoken to. Today I learned from someone who was in contact with him that he hasn’t changed at all. She told me he tried hard to mess with her. I feel hopeless, I tried reporting him on the game and telling everyone I could about what he did. Nothing seemed to have helped. Now I’m just trying to get past him.

  3. I SO AGREE! We have to hang in there and stay close just like the Acts church. Thanks, Stacey.

  4. This is such a relevant topic! We’re all broken people, and the church is made up of broken people too. It’s easy to take offense and turn away from God when Christians hurt us, but that’s never God’s best for us. Thank you so much for this encouraging post!

  5. Thanks. Church hurt is a real issue. But, it should NEVER keep us from fellowship.

  6. Great post. May God bless you, comfort you, and guide you. I posted something on the similar subject lately.

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