One of the most significant challenges facing Christian women today is the issue of marital submission and understanding the role of the husband as the head of the household. It’s a conversation that often sparks heated debates in Christian communities, especially when it comes to how women navigate their roles both in marriage and in modern society.
Ironically, some Christian women wield more power and influence in their workplaces than they do in their own homes. It’s a curious juxtaposition, especially when we consider that we live in one of the most liberating generations for women.
Today’s woman has more opportunities than ever before. Our great-grandmothers would marvel at all we can do and become—though if your great-grandma is still alive, she may still be in awe of how far we’ve come.
Regardless, we’re educated, financially independent, and actively involved in every sphere of society. It’s an exciting time to be a woman, but with new freedoms and opportunities, many Christian women still wrestle with the question:Â
What does biblical submission in marriage truly look like in today’s world?
The Tension of Independence and Submission in Marriage
In today’s world, the tension between independence and submission in marriage is a common issue.
A modern Christian woman might ask, “I pay the majority of the mortgage, I run a corporate department, and yet I’m expected to submit to my husband?”Â
This question represents a struggle many women face in balancing their personal and professional independence with their biblical role in marriage. For some, this feels out of step with the reality of their competence and leadership roles.
So, where does marital submission fit into the picture? What happens when a woman feels more capable than her husband in certain areas of life? Is submission still a relevant concept, or does it create unnecessary tension in relationships?
The Reality of Submission in Marriage
I’ve had conversations with many women who feel the weight of this struggle. One friend shared how her upbringing in a denomination that emphasized male authority left her feeling powerless.
She was taught to submit to her husband, even when his decisions weren’t in her best interest.
Sadly, this led to mistreatment and a sense of feeling unimportant in the relationship.
I could deeply relate to her pain. I, too, grew up in a faith tradition that drilled into us that submission was non-negotiable, regardless of the husband’s behavior or capacity.
For years, I struggled to reconcile that teaching with the love and respect I believed should characterize a marriage.
That journey, however, led me to see how submission should never be forced, but rather rooted in mutual respect and love. It’s not about oppression; it’s about trust in God’s design.
Earning Does Play a Role, Though
Respect is earned through consistent actions, integrity, and demonstrating genuine care for others. It’s not something that can be demanded or given freely; instead, it grows over time as a result of how we treat those around us.
When we show up with honesty, reliability, and kindness, we build trust with others, which is the foundation of respect.
Respect is also earned through accountability—when we own our mistakes and take responsibility for our actions, people are more likely to view us with esteem.
Ultimately, respect is a reflection of our character and the way we honor others, whether through our words, our deeds, or our ability to listen and empathize.
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Embracing Biblical Submission: The Other Side of the Spectrum
On the other hand, some Christian women embrace the biblical idea of submission and find strength in it.
I have a friend who feels liberated by submitting to her husband.
She says, “Submission for me is not oppressive; it’s a way to honor my husband’s leadership while helping him. It’s not about weakness; it’s about partnership.”
For her, submission is not about inferiority but about trusting her husband’s leadership in the family.
They collaborate on most decisions, but when they disagree, she willingly gives him the “final say.”
This doesn’t diminish her voice or her ability to lead in other areas of life. Instead, it reinforces her belief that submission is a choice, one that she makes to honor God and her husband.
Personally, my husband and I have found a rhythm that works for us.
While I manage our home and contribute financially, I also trust my husband’s judgment. We make decisions together, but when we find ourselves at an impasse, he makes the final call.
I don’t feel diminished by this. Instead, it brings a sense of peace and order to our marriage.
The Role of Submission in Marriage Today
The role of submission in marriage can look different for each couple, and it’s important to understand that submission is not about inferiority or oppression.
It’s about respect, trust, and mutual love. In my own marriage, we’ve learned to balance our roles and responsibilities in a way that honors both of us.
We don’t have to label our relationship, but if I had to, I would say that I do embrace biblical submission—but only in a way that empowers both of us and acknowledges God’s design for marriage.
It’s important to note that submission doesn’t mean the wife must always agree with the husband or allow him to make decisions without consulting her.
It’s about mutual respect and the understanding that the husband and wife work together in partnership. In our marriage, we both hold equal weight in decisions, but when we disagree, we trust that God will guide us in the final decision.
In The End…
Marital submission and the role of the husband as head of the household are complex issues for many Christian women today.
The key is to approach these challenges with a heart open to God’s design for marriage, understanding that submission is not about weakness, but about mutual respect and partnership.
Whether you embrace traditional roles or adapt them to fit your unique relationship, the most important thing is to ensure that your marriage reflects God’s love and purpose.
As Christian women, we are called to honor God in all aspects of our lives, including our marriages. The journey may not always be easy, but with faith, mutual respect, and love, we can navigate the complexities of submission in marriage and build relationships that honor God and each other.
What a great post. I struggle with this issue as well. I was taught that the man is always the head of household. My parents divorced when I was young and I lived with my mother, who was single for many years. So while I had the base for the idea, my reality was that women needed to be strong and self sufficient. I’m married now, and I’ve discovered that when I step back and allow my husband to be the head of household, to have the final say – that we suffer later down the line. So at this point I’m torn. I want him to be the head of house, but what if he doesn’t do a very good job?