Thoughts About the Strong Black Christian Woman

Lots of people didn’t like my previous blog post on race. So I’m writing one on the strong Black Christian woman.

Wow. After posting my previous article about Black Women (which I deleted because of all the hoopla) and the challenges we have as wives, sisters, friends, and others, I got a lot of “unsubscribes.” Oh well.

Race issues are uncomfortable for many people, so I understand. Not really; I’m just trying to sound nice and tolerant. Actually, I think lots of non-Black people (especially Christians) are often more comfortable with their perceptions of us than the realities of who we really are.

Anyway, this is part two of my series about how Black women are likely interpreted in the world (and maybe how they interpret the world themselves) and why.

Historically …I mean for generations, our men have been abused to “program” them to believe they were weak and useless beings.

As I mentioned in my podcast, this dates back to the slavery days. The slave master knew he had to keep the black man in a state of submission, insecurity, and perpetual self-doubt, so he brainwashed him through mental and physical manipulation.

Only then could he actually conquer and master him. Never could he allow him the most primal of rights or dignities. An enslaved man couldn’t be the “father figure” to his children. After all, they could be sold off at the “master’s” bidding. He could not ever be in true holy union with a wife. He could have nothing, be nothing, own nothing.

The trickle “forward” effect…

The result was irreparably broken families and nonexistent love relationships with black women during the slavery period.

For example, how could an enslaved man claim a wife to be his when, at any time, a white slave “master” could degrade and violate her at any given time?

This abuse of someone he loved had to play a role in how he viewed his woman. I don’t see how it could not.

Think of it. Even though he loved her, I’ll bet he, in some ways, likewise hated her because she could never be completely his. Never.

Maybe, in an effort to guard his heart, he withdrew emotionally from her; he prevented himself from loving her totally. No, keeping her emotionally distant and maybe even physically was safer.

Or worse, maybe he saw her as a “thing”- a type of property modeled by his “master.” Think of how the children viewed this dynamic.

Do you think they mimicked it? Then, passed their version of it to yet another generation?

This put the enslaved woman in a position of stark survival…having to press on…to hold things down” for her children, for herself, and for her family…all alone.

Giving up…nope

A strong Black Christian woman had to keep going.

She didn’t have the luxury of falling apart or giving in to the pain and shame of her life. She had to be resilient, even if it cost something invaluable…her vulnerability, innocence, and optimism.

Even if it meant she’d teach her daughter the same type of survival.

Even if it means for generations people would label her angry, bitter, or mean. When, in fact, she’s not “mean”, she’s wounded.

Anyway, I believe this emotional “weakness” is deep-rooted in our DNA as Black people. The remnants of it keep resurfacing, re-morphing and re-occurring.

We have work to do as women and as a culture.

It is our current reality, as African Americans, to figure out how to become whole.

Being a strong Black Christian woman means we have to change patterns and “unhear” messages we have heard.

I think that’s why we have experienced generation after generation of weakness and frailty, especially in family and relationships.

It’s because our hearts are fragmented…many of us.

The role models we saw as children were broken…yet we perpetuate their personas into future generations. We often become what we hate. It’s like Romans 7.

Some people, in their lack of compassion, say, “Get over it! It happened millions of years ago!”

I feel like this statement is the worst kind of ignorance.

It’s like telling someone whose leg has been in a cast for two months to simply “get over it and just start walking” in spite of muscular atrophy and weakened tissue.

How do I do this and how do I become a strong Black Christian woman????

Similarly, our history has emotionally and spiritually crippled us in ways from which [I  think] we don’t know how to recover. Where do we start? The result of all this might very well be the slums, violence, and abuse the news outlets love to portray.  

It is all a symptom of being critically wounded…not being an angry Black Woman or a hopeless Black man. We have hope. We have treatment for not only the symptoms but also the disease.

It’s a reaction, not a diagnosis.

In summation, our spirits are wounded from our age-old injuries as well as dysfunctions that have been passed down for years and years.

This has made so many of us (especially women) hard-hearted, distrustful, and bitter. Unfortunately, we teach the same to our girls. We’ve confused what it means to be a strong Black Christian woman. We, at least some of us, think it means being defensive.

Hope …We all have hope!!!!

But, all this isn’t our destiny.

Yet, it’s just a part of it. The pain of it made us resilient and beautifully strong beyond our wildest imagination. But it’s not our final point. No more than Rahab’s final point was a prostitute, Joseph’s a slave, or Naomi’s as bitter.

Again, our past is only part of our past, which likely formed some of the dysfunctions we must reevaluate, redefine, and recover from. We can do it. With God, all things are possible.

He can restore us and replace a once wounded and hardened heart with a heart of flesh. He can teach us what it means to be a strong Black Christian woman.

Then, our hearts will be tender, and we can all behave like the truest selves in Christ.

I have one final installment that I’ll post soon. I hope you’ll come back and check it out. Be sure to subscribe. Also, please comment! I’d love to hear your thoughts.

Oh yeah, we will see if I have any more unsubscribes before I post again. Hehehehe

Seriously, check out this article. It is not written from a Christian perspective, but I think it will provide insight.