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The Best Ways to Offer Support and Encouragement to Pastors and Their Wives

Here are practical ideas to provide some support
and encouragement pastor and the pastor’s wife.

Renewing and supporting the ministry of pastors and pastors’ wives is essential. Trust me, I know. Recently, I’ve been thanking God for my church family and the wonderful ways they keep us completely fueled and encouraged. From my personal experiences, I’m going to share some of the very best ways to offer support and encouragement to pastors and pastors wives too!

From expressing appreciation for their hard work and dedication to letting them know how much they mean to you and your congregation, there are countless ways to show your pastor and their spouse that you care about them.

You have lots of options to lend a helping hand to your pastor and his wife, but the most important thing you can do is lift them up with words of encouragement. I cannot tell you how many times, I’ve been spiritually beaten down and felt like I was spiritually crawling through the doors only to have someone love on me and encourage me. Sometimes, it’s the hugs – I mean the REAL hugs – I get.

Other times, it’s the words.

I’ll talk more about that later.

Then there are the gifts. I’m not begging for gifts or anything, but I must say I’ve been blessed by tokens of love.

One example is from one of the seasoned saints in our congregation. She is a stellar crocheter. I mean she is really good at it!

She makes the most beautiful blankets. She made me the prettiest, girliest blanket and I think of her every time I wrap myself in it – which is often. But, she did not stop there! She made one for each member of our family. Can you imagine????

It really is a ministry for her. She’s touched our lives in a way we will remember forever.

Look how beautiful this is!

Your Takeaway: Do you have a craft that comes easily to you? Maybe you can bless your pastor and his wife with it. I’m serious. It can really make them feel loved and valued.

Show your appreciation in words and actions.

Never underestimate the power of kind words as a means to supply support and encouragement to pastors. It may seem insignificant to you, but something as simple and small as sharing kind words with your pastor and his wife can go a long way toward energizing them for the battles they face. Many of the battles you know nothing about.


The Bible says…

 Kind words are like honey—
    sweet to the soul and healthy for the body.

Proverbs 16:24

Even the Word of God confirms this for you, Christian Woman. Proverbs 16:24 hits the nail on the head!

No, don’t underestimate the power of expressing your appreciation to them for the incredible job they are doing ministering to the church. Trust me, they can’t hear it enough. Even if your pastor’s wife is not visible, she is carrying a load you can’t imagine.

Please, thank them for everything they do (and sacrifice)—not just on special occasions, but on a regular basis. Pray about what to say to them and when. Holy Spirit knows just what they need to hear. Synchronize with Him.

Personally speaking, some seasons are harder than others for my husband. I love it when he tells me how someone used words to bolster him.

You could also show your appreciation by writing a note or sending cards, extending invitations for meals or outings, helping out in tangible ways around the church, and offering other forms of assistance.

Whatever you do, do let them know how much you appreciate their hard work and sacrifices! You’ll bless them and give them strength to continue on in this journey called ministry.

Ways to offer support and encouragement to pastors
Who doesn’t like a gift every now and again? Image by
Jess Bailey.

Our Secret Angel

Theologically speaking, I’m not referring to a real angel. But we have someone in our church who God has laid us on their heart in a way that is unfathomable.

This person continually gives us gifts and money and gift cards. We use them too! Often my husband and I will sneak out and have lunch with the gift. Or sometimes we will buy Minsky’s pizza- our favorite local pizza joint-all because of that gift. It means so much.

More than the gifts, the words this person says to meet every time they see me are monumentally encouraging. It helps me feel as though someone sees me and recognizes how hard it is to be without my husband so often because of ministry. Or because someone is in the hospital and he must rush over at two in the morning.

This person always and consistently finds ways to bless not only our family but me too. I am tearing up right now thinking about this person’s efforts and how much this person blesses me.

You know what else? This person is painstakingly secretive about what they do. They will not let me say thank you out loud and eschews any form of public acknowledgment. Such humility. I have no doubt God will bless this person for the MONUMENTAL ways they have blessed me.

Your takeaway: Just be wonderful and bless with gifts and kind words

1. Exercise patience, compassion, and humility.

Patience, compassion, and humility are essential if you want to be a blessing to your pastor and his wife.

Taking time to listen and understand their struggles means a great deal and can really be effective. Practice self-control when engaging in conversations or debates, as it is vital to keep the humbling spirit of Christ present with every action you make.

Hey, if you don’t agree with something, don’t immediately go on the attack. You know, your pastor is doing the best he can. He doesn’t want to fail you or cause you pain.

Similarly, his wife is doing the best she can. She doesn’t wake up every day and wonder how she can make your life harder.

Please give her – and him – some grace. Being in ministry is hard and takes a toll on a marriage and often devastates the children. Please be kind and patient. Give them time to grow. Don’t say things to them that criticize their efforts. Sure, you have opinions and should be able to speak up, but let the Holy Spirit guide you.

Your support should always remain rooted in kindness and understanding. Right? Not to be critical or to hurt them.

It is important to remember that each person has different views and opinions, but should still display mutual respect. When conflicts arise, lead by example by offering peace in the midst of turmoil rather than causing more unrest. I know that’s what you would do anyway, but it bears saying.

Image adapted from
Dayne Topkin

Your takeaway: Be nice. Be longsuffering.

2. Provide financial support or
raise funds to assist with their needs.

We are super blessed. My church pays my husband and we do not take advantage of it. We do not drive extravagant cars and the furs I wear, I pay for MYSELF. It means a lot to me to make a good living in my own right so I do not burden the congregation. As a professional, I feel secure in being able to take care of my needs (and wants) without my husband feeling pressured. Does that make sense?

With that said, I do understand that not all churches or pastors’ wives are in my position.

When a pastor is struggling, try to help them.

When I was a girl, the pastor of our church was amazing. He and his wife attended everything and every trial we encountered, they seem to ALWAYS be there. It wasn’t until I was a grown woman that I realized he had a full-time job! End it wasn’t a high-paying job either. So that means every time our family had an emergency, he would be there with us in the wee hours of the morning only to drudge to work the very next day. I even heard some talk that he would finance building repairs himself! What an amazing pastor and wife we had. In fact, he is still in ministry but I’m praying the new church is providing for him much better than we did. Yes, I said it.

And if you’re pastor does not get much of a salary or is financially struggling, please please please try to help. Think about organizing fundraisers, raising special donations, and accepting volunteers to assist with a variety of needs.

Consider setting up online giving portals or app-based resources for people who want to help the pastor and family in a meaningful way. During times of financial difficulty, people should also consider offering additional help with expenses, like bills or insurance, to relieve some of the stress from the pastor and their family.

You could also organize events in areas that are important to church members such as back-to-school drives or ministry sponsorships. The key is to create an event that encourages interaction and involvement while providing direct support to the pastor’s family.

Your takeaway: Ministry costs. Replenish when you can.

Get to church on time.

3. Show up on time to services and focus on the sermon or study they are leading.

My husband often says if you care about me, support the vision God has given me.

Once I remember him saying this with tears in his eyes. At the time he started Community groups (or cell groups). And honey, people were not digging them at all. Ha ha. But our church had gotten so large and it was important to him that we did not lose that “small church” feel.

The best way to show your pastor how much you support him is to volunteer, attend the events and support the ministries

My next tip may be more suited for African-American churches. However, I think it applies to any church… on some level anyway.

First, attend church! Most certainly you can attend online, but something magical happens when you are in the church building with other believers. Nobody wants to preach to a camera!

Be there so that your pastor can see your expressions and hear your encouragement. In the Black church, we are not shy about saying a hearty AMEN! My husband loves it! It helps him. So great your hand, wiggle your head, or do whatever you can to show that you’re being blessed. It really does help the pastor.

Who would think of just being visibly active as a method to share support and encouragement to pastors and their wives?

With that said, don’t be so loud that you distract the whole service. A balance does exist. Sometimes people talk back so much it breaks concentration. As with anything, let the Holy Spirit lead you

Definitely, attending services and being engaged while a pastor is speaking is a great way to show them respect and encouragement. Do you agree?

Making eye contact during the service, taking down notes, actively listening to the message, and even offering polite questions (if allowed) are all simple ways that you can offer support during the sermon.

It’s also important for church members to be prompt with their arrival so it shows that their time is respected. You know I’m right. When people come to church every Sunday an hour and a half late, a pastor has to wonder if they value the church or the ministry’s efforts. What do you think here? Sure, everyone is late every so often. But every Sunday?

Do what you have to do to show up on time.

This will ensure that your pastor knows they are not alone in ministry or study — and that their congregation values both their hard work and dedication to God’s Word.

Your takeaway: Be present and be actively engaged.

That’s my take. What ways can you think of to give support and encouragement to pastors and wives?

Ok. I found this video. I agree with all these! Plus, I like that he said “kicks butt” in the video. ha!

Looking for ideas to bless your pastor and his wife? Check these out!
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