Divorced and Remarried Christian: Grace and Moving Forward

Marriage. Let’s talk about divorced and remarried Christian. For many, it’s a beautiful covenant filled with joy, love, and companionship. For others, it’s a complex and challenging journey that doesn’t always go as planned. After reflecting on some recent statistics for another writing project, I couldn’t help but wonder: Do Christians give up on marriage too quickly?

To explore this question, I turned to my trusted Facebook community, knowing the opinions of women with diverse experiences could shed light on the topic.

And, as expected, the conversation was incredibly engaging, passionate, and full of honest reflections. It was a topic that struck a chord, and the responses were just as varied as the women who shared them.

I went to the oracle of all wisdom to get perspectives.

Okay. I’m being silly. I went to Facebook.

The Complexity of Divorced and Remarried Christian

One participant, Robyn, a married mother of an adult son, shared her perspective. She believes that Christians take way too much. S

he doesn’t advocate for hasty separations or divorces, but she believes God doesn’t want you in an unhealthy, unloving marriage.

It’s a sentiment that many can resonate with—sometimes, the relationships we’re in can cause emotional or spiritual harm rather than fostering love, growth, and peace.

What do you think? Do you agree with Robyn?

I’ve often reflected on this myself, particularly as a wife, mother, and pastor’s wife.

I’ve witnessed many couples struggling in what could be described as forlorn and burdensome marriages. At times, I’ve wondered, are they “taking too much”?

When is enough enough? Can a marriage truly survive when one partner feels beaten down emotionally, spiritually, or physically? The reality is that, often, marriage is hard.

The Mystery of Marriage: Sacrifice and Fulfillment

Christian talk show host Joni Lamb hosted a powerful discussion on marital issues on the Daystar Christian network.

Author Wendy Treat was a guest on the show and shared a sobering description of her parents’ marriage: “They just remained married.” 

While some may find solace in such an enduring commitment, there’s an underlying sadness in those words. “Just remaining married” isn’t exactly an inspiring view of marriage, is it?

Who wants a marriage where both partners simply remain together for the sake of staying married?

This brings to mind the many couples who might be holding onto their vows but have long lost the connection, passion, or fulfillment in the relationship.

It’s a painful reality for many, and it’s this type of emotional disconnect that often leads to divorce.

The truth is, marriage takes effort, sacrifice, and willingness to grow together.

As Pam, another participant in the conversation, wisely stated, “Marriage is wonderful, but we should not expect a bed of roses.” She further remarked that many people seek the benefits of marriage—the companionship, the commitment, the security—without fully understanding or embracing the hard work involved.

She went on to compare a committed marriage to “shacking up”, implying that people often want the benefits without the commitment. 

“You want the perks but not the commitment,” she said, likening it to individuals desiring the benefits of salvation but not committing themselves to a life that pleases God. Ouch. 

Marriage is hard work.

The Power of Prayer in a Challenging Marriage

Renee, a married woman for three years, shared her experience as a younger, more contemporary Christian woman.

She admitted that their first year of marriage was difficult and that prayer was what ultimately held their relationship together.

As a divorced and remarried Christian, I can certainly understand the weight of that statement. 

Prayer can be the glue that holds a marriage solid when everything else seems to be falling apart.

Renee’s honesty about her struggles was refreshing. She said that, like many others, she almost didn’t make it through that tough first year. But the solution, in her case, was simple: 

She chose to trust God. And, as she boldly declared, “No turning back.” Trusting God through the challenges of marriage is one of the most powerful tools for survival and growth in any relationship.

Divorced and Remarried Christian: The Pain of the Past, The Hope for the Future

As a divorced and remarried Christian, I can attest to the complicated emotions surrounding divorce and remarriage. No one ever envisions their marriage ending in divorce.

It can feel like a failure, a personal loss, and even a spiritual defeat. Yet, we have to remember that divorce is not the unpardonable sin.

In fact, God sees us as beloved children who are never beyond His redemption and grace.

In my younger days, I would have answered the question of whether Christians give up too quickly on marriage with a resounding “yes.” But after years of life experiences and two marriages, my answer has evolved. 

Divorce is rarely black and white.

Two people—both Christians—can love God, be committed to Him, and still struggle deeply in their marriage. The presence of sin, selfish ambition, unmet expectations, and even emotional wounds can make it difficult to thrive in a marriage.

Karen, my cousin, who has been married to her only husband for over twenty years, eloquently stated,“Christians face the same challenges as non-Christians. But here’s the kicker: the challenges of Christian marriages are not always spiritual; they are often given spiritual answers that don’t help with natural problems.” 

Sometimes, prayer alone isn’t enough.

Healing, communication, counseling, and real work are necessary to overcome the challenges that threaten a marriage.

The Mystery of Marriage: A Sacred Covenant

As divorced and remarried Christians, we may face even more complex challenges.

Divorce is painful, and remarriage can bring its own set of hurdles, including guilt, shame, and feelings of condemnation.

Yet, we must remember that marriage is a covenant, and a covenant is a sacred promise made between two people and God. In Malachi 2:14, God calls marriage a “covenant” that He holds sacred.

“The Lord is the witness between you and the wife of your youth, to whom you have been faithless, though she is your companion and your wife by covenant.” (Malachi 2:14, ESV)

A covenant is not a contract that can be broken when things get tough.

It’s a promise, one that requires faith, commitment, and love from both partners.

This doesn’t mean that we must endure abuse, neglect, or irreparable harm in the relationship, but it does mean that we should seek to honor the covenant we’ve made before God.

God Knows Your Pain

If you’re struggling in a difficult marriage or facing the pain of a divorce, please know that God understands your pain.

The Bible is full of stories of people who endured heartache and hardship—Abraham, Hagar, David, and many others. In Genesis 16, we read the story of Hagar, who felt abandoned, rejected, and alone.

But God showed up for her. He knew her name, and He saw her pain.

“The angel of the Lord found Hagar near a spring in the desert…and he said, ‘Hagar, servant of Sarai, where have you come from, and where are you going?'” (Genesis 16:7-8, NIV)

God sees your pain. He knows your heartache. And He is calling your name too, offering you His comfort, grace, and strength. When you feel lost, abandoned, or discarded, He is right there, calling you to His side.

Moving Forward in Hope

If you’re a divorced and remarried Christian who feels burdened with guilt or shame, I want to encourage you today. 

God’s love for you is unwavering, and His grace is sufficient to cover your past mistakes. You are not beyond redemption, and your marriage—whether it’s your first, second, or third—can still be an opportunity for God to demonstrate His love, mercy, and restoration.

In Isaiah 61:3, God promises to comfort those who mourn and to provide for those who grieve.
“To provide for those who grieve in Zion— to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair.” (Isaiah 61:3, NIV)

Trusting God with Your Marriage

Whether you are in the midst of a troubled marriage, navigating the pain of divorce, or walking through the complex realities of remarriage, know this: God is with you. He is for you.

And His plans for your life are good.

As a divorced and remarried Christian, your journey may not be easy, but it is never without hope. Turn to God in prayer, lean on His Word, and trust Him to guide you through every season of your life. 

Marriage is hard, but God is faithful—and He will be faithful to you as you seek to honor Him in your relationships.

I know it gets hard, and there may be a time you have to go. But, try. That’s all I’m saying to the divorced and remarried Christian. Try.

Thanks for reading!