OK this is going to be one of my “eye roll” blog post. Anytime I blog about God’s standards of waiting for marriage, I get blasted.
Yeah, some will definitely roll their eyes at the concept of waiting to have sex.
Still others will unsubscribe from my Christian woman’s blog and that’s ok. Honestly, I’ll be unaffected by either. Christian purity is a subject we don’t discuss enough. So, I’m going to discuss it.
It begins with my struggle to remain sexually pure as a single woman. Let’ make lay the foundation first.
I was a young single person for almost 14 years. My first marriage dissolved and I was left alone with little money, no education, but I had a beautiful newborn baby boy. As his mom, I wanted to be a good example so I wouldn’t turn out into society another stereotypical black man. I wanted him to love Jesus, work hard and live a life of integrity. That also included waiting until he was married to have children. I needed to be his model.
But, the truth is I was so young and didn’t know the practical steps to train the type of man I wanted him to become. Additionally, I was the typical 20-something who interpreted the world through a very me-centric lens.
In other words, I was a silly Christian
Although I was a Christian, I was not Christ-focused nor was I spiritually mature.
Like most girls my age, I was driven by what I thought I wanted, what I imagined I needed and the fairytales portrayed in great songs and television shows.
As a result, I thought I needed a tall, gorgeous successful man to complete me.
This ideology crippled my perception, so I fell into several emotional traps and into some beds. Like many 20 and 30-somethings, I mistook sexual relations for love. Eventually, I learned that a man will have intercourse with a can of soup, but that doesn’t mean he loves you. Take note, baby.
After a few years I learned that a good man would not treat me that way and I began a commitment to abstinence. This means I was determined to wait for the man God had for me. Until then, I would not surrender my intimate moments to anyone but him. So many friends thought I had lost my mind. I’d hear comments like “You better get used to being alone, Girl”.
But, I had more faith than God than that. I figured surely if God created the heavens and the earth he could throw down some guy to love me (his soon-to-be wife) as much as he loved the Lord.
I knew this could not be out of the realm of possibility, right?
Before you roll your eyes, let me tell you my life was not perfect, my choices were not flawless. It was a process. But, I put my life on track with God’s help and a good Christian brother.
He helped me
I was already committed to abstinence and purity when I met a great Christian guy named Gerald. In fact, I had been living pure for years. But, he had a significant perspective that strengthened my commitment. That’s what dating a Christian should do – it should build you up spiritually, not compromise you physically.
He introduced me to an added dimension of my purity.
Let me begin by telling you, he was gorgeous, saved and he loved me very much.
One day we were chatting about his decision to reserve intimate moments, like kissing for the woman he would marry. Let me re-phrase that: the woman he married.
He explained his decision was rooted in being at a wedding (or hearing of a it) where the couple abstained even their first kiss until their wedding day.
I was mesmerized.
My heart beat faster and faster as I mentally conceptualized a pure, holy love such as he described. It made me want that same memory with the man I would marry – our first kiss at our wedding.You will feel safe dating a Christian committed to abstinence -emotionally safe, spiritually safe and… Click To Tweet
I felt very safe dating him. I knew I was respected and valued as a Christian woman. I’m so glad that I met him when I was a young woman, so that I could make good decisions that would impact my mental, spiritual, and physical health.
Gladly, he was not to be my husband. He married a wonderful woman of God and I married an amazing man. But, Gerald was a blessing. I think that’s why God brought him into my life for that season. Take note: every man is not your future husband. Move cautiously.
It’s just dangerous
Sex before marriage is dangerous. It’s that simple.
It links you to a person emotionally and mentally and there is no guarantee of commitment. Nor is there any spiritual peace. Sure a man may say “I’ll never leave you, I love you. But, it’s a whole different thing when they sign a legal document saying so. That’s why people have warranties and contracts (which derived from spiritual covenants). What if you purchased a new car and the dealer said “No need for me to sign anything. Trust me. I promise to fix your car if something goes wrong”. You’d want to slap him.
Here’s another example: what if your insurance company gave you no paperwork, just a verbal promise. Get outta here!
Still women turn over their bodies on a “promise” or a perception. That’s just crazy. I don’t care if you’re engaged. Stay pure; you’re not married yet.
Marriage is more than a “piece of paper” anyway; it’s obedience to God’s word, a commitment to His law. Never reduce it to just “a piece of paper”.
Don’t listen to those fools!
Do not let society cheapen sex with its love songs, sexual innuendos, and disregard for marriage and commitment. Marriage and intimacy is a God thing. It’s sacred.
As Jesus provided for me, loved me and fellowshipped with me in prayer, marriage became something that either happened or it didn’t. I felt Him and His presence in such a real way. I felt complete. I didn’t chase men, pressure them or even coax them toward marriage. I was content.
The world thinks sex whenever you want it is necessary and smart. It’s foolishness to God. It’s not good for you.
What about the urges?
The season of wanting to live authentic and Godly helped me view marriage and sex differently. So, that helped with the urges. The mind trumped the body. The spirit trumped them both. Check out what the Bible says about sex before marriage.
Anyway, we have urges for a lot of things, that doesn’t mean we satisfy them. I control the urges they don’t control me. An unsatisfied urge will to kill you. Instead, I think it builds spiritual muscles of perseverance.
The point of it all
In the end, stop giving your body away and excuses it by saying “God knows my heart” or relying on His grace. He has expectations of you – do, commands. Read your Bible and you’ll see. Start with Ephesians and commit to His will and not the will of that man. You’ll also learn in scripture that He provides you with ways to escape temptation. Keep your excuses.
As I mentioned today I’m married to a wonderful, loving man who was worth the wait. My son is in his mid-twenties and pursuing his Master’s degree. He is child free and lives a life of Biblical integrity. I’ve told him his entire life “bring no shame on our family”. But, it goes deeper than that. We can’t bring shame on the Kingdom of God either. The world already thinks we are weak and fake. Tap into the spiritual power of the Holy Spirit and live victorious. I’m proof it works.
Sure, I’m glad I got the man, but I’m more glad I was obedient to my God. The man was just extra.
Amen or do you think sex before marriage is God’s plan?
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